No matter how experienced or awesome an educator is at some point they will have a parent that is upset for one reason or another. Over the years I have developed a mini-checklist of what to do when I have that upset parent. The first key is that I avoid making parents upset as much as possible. Check out my post on how to communicate here. Eventually though I pull out the list.
When communicating with parents.
Listen first
Repeat what they are saying back to them
Communicate often and early
Create a paper trail
Don't be afraid to pick up the phone
Don't take it personally (especially if you are new).
LISTEN, LINDA, LISTEN! As the meme states you need to listen to parents. Especially if you have an upset parents. Let them get all their words out before you start speaking. So many times I have conferenced with parents about what I perceived the issue to be. Only to discover halfway through that something so small was the actual issue. By allowing parents to talk first you are getting all the details and allowing them a chance to respond.
Along with that when you start to speak repeat back to them what you heard. I like to use the starter of "What I hear you saying is ..." This helps to get you and the parents on the same page. It also gives them a chance to hear the problem aloud and to correct you if you still are not understanding.
Third on the list is to communicate often and early. Normally, I do not respond to parents minutes after they contact me, but if the parent is upset and we have already been communicating I respond as fast as I can. Also if something happens with a grade or incident that I think a parent could get upset about I contact them before they hear about it from their student.
Fourth on the list and honestly this could be number two is to create a paper trail. The first thing I tell all new teachers is CREATE A PAPER TRAIL. Whenever possible I use email or my school uses the remind app this way I have a transcript of what was said by who. Parents cannot say that you didn't contact them or twist what you said if it is in writing. Remind is great because you can send both group messages and individual messages to parents. This messages can be sent from the computer and can be sent as a text message right to the parents' phones without using your phone number. I also go a step further and do not actually have the remind app on my phone. Nothing is more stressful than getting a message from an upset parent on the weekend which you can do nothing about until Monday.
Do not be afraid to pick up that phone and call. Tone can be so easily misconstrued through writing. If you have messaged a parent back and forth more than four times and are not getting somewhere. PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL.
Almost every situation I have ever had has been solved with a phone call. Problems can be solved much faster on the phone rather than waiting for a parent to respond and vice-versa. If you do call make sure to make a log of all the details including a short description just in case. When making a phone call if you have an upset parent I highly recommend that you listen before you speak (this actually applies to all parent conversations)
Finally and most important is do not take things personally. Take things with a grain of salt. There are some parents who are very invested in their child's education and will fight to make sure their child has the best possible. There might be something brought up that you should change, but remember no one knows everything. I once had a parent upset that I didn't see their email until the end of class and dismissed their daughter late. The parent was so upset they went to my principal and the athletic director (it was about seeing the trainer). The parent did not understand why I wasn't checking my email constantly during class. I took two things away from this. 1. Try to check my email more often. 2. Parents do not understand what 8th period with 28 students is like. I can either teach or sit my computer. While the parent was upset for no reason I did take something from the conversation. Weirdly I noticed that the longer I am at a school the less situations like this I experience and that the newer teachers seem to deal with this more. Why? I think that some parents are trying to figure out who you are and how far they can push you. So don't take it personally.
Comments